Make Yourself Feel Better

Mental Mistakes That Make You (And Others) Feel Like Crap

Are you a robot? Most people would say no, but they don’t know what you are about to discover in this article.

In order to function in our society, we have a lot of processes, beliefs and generalizations that keep us efficient. The problem is that sometimes these automatic processes can get out of control, which happens a lot, and it keeps us doing something we don’t want to be doing.

There are many more mental mistakes than the ones below, but these will open your eyes and get you thinking in a new way.

1. Labeling
   Our minds are so used to labeling people, things, and experiences all around us that we don't even notice that it's happening.
   
   When you see someone who is a certain way, you have labels for that, and it evokes certain feelings and sometimes behaviors in you that aren't always desirable.
   
   You may sit in nature enjoying the wind, as you look at all the beautiful things, and feel what it feels like to just be there.
   
   If you do this and try to label everything, looking at a tree, making an intellectual exercise of the whole thing, you probably won't feel as good as you could being in the now.
2. Mind-Reading
   This is a big one, and one that often destroys relationships. A great example of mind reading is if you look at a friend or your significant other, and guess how they're feeling and thinking.
   
   You don't really know how they are feeling and what is going on inside of them. You think you know; but you really do not.
   
   The reason this isn't a problem at the beginning of a relationship is because you don't know anything about the person, so you don't know enough to make these assumptions.
   
   Be very aware when you're trying to mind read people, because it usually doesn't end well, unless you are psychic.
3. Guilt Tripping
   Guilt tripping basically refers to when you try to manipulate someone by making them feel guilty or any other way.
   
   A lot of people do this, because they don't know any other way to get people to do what they want to do. They don't realize that they can just tell people what they are going to do, and let other people decide for themselves.
   
   If you find yourself making others feel guilty, stop, and consider what you're doing. Imagine doing what you're doing for the next 10 or even 20 years in the future.
   
   What kind of impact will it have on your relationships?
   
   How will it affect how you will be feeling inside?
4. Predicting Catastrophe
   This is a big one.
   
   How often have you found yourself imagining the worst possible outcome just because you had something not go your way? If you’re like me, it happens more than you’d care to admit, and it doesn’t make you feel good, does it?
   
   It's not always easy to get out of the pattern if you've been doing this for a long time. It has been ingrained in you, but just having the awareness of what you're doing can help you let it go. There are a lot of healing modalities out there that are extremely effective in helping you let go patterns that are no longer helping you, such as NLP and EFT.
   
   The same applies to the people you spend time with. You may know someone who always notices the worst in everything.
   
   You tell them your grand plans and dreams, but they only tell you why you won't be able to do it, and why you shouldn't even try.
   
   If you notice yourself doing this to anyone, just let it go, because it's not worth the energy. It just makes you feel bad, and makes other people avoid you.
5. Turning Processes Into Things
   Turning processes into things happens largely because of how we use language, and it’s effective, but the problems begin when it keeps you stuck. For example, someone might say that they have trouble with their relationship, and it feels like this huge problem.
   
   Sound familiar?
   
   What they forget to become aware of is that a relationship is the process of relating to another human being, so the question isn’t how you can fix it. The question becomes how you’re relating to this other person that you don’t like, and how you want to begin changing it.
   
   Do you notice how it frees up the energy and makes it feel lighter? That is the amazing power of the language we use and your mind. We are dynamic beings, so if you feel stuck, remember that it’s not that you are literally stuck, it’s the way you are keeping yourself in the feeling of stuckness.

Now It’s Your Turn! What kind of mental mistake(s) have you bumped into in your daily life, and how did you solve it (if you did)? I’m curious to know, so share in the comments below!

Written on 7/23/2011 by Henri Junttila

Trouble Getting Up In The Mornings?

7 Simple Ways To Burst Out of Bed Each Morning

Way before the sun peeks over the horizon, a few chosen people awaken from their slumber and dive head first into their day. These chosen few accomplish a ton before the rest of us would ever consider rising from our nice warm beds.

Who are these juggernauts that have command over the morning hours?

In theory, your productivity level shouldn't differ if you rise at 4am or 11am. What matters is the quality of sleep that's giving your mind and body sufficient time to recover.


These early rising juggernauts, these unstoppable agents of productivity, they see things differently. They see these early hours as their chance to lay claim to their share of the day. They rise with purpose, act with determination, and achieve ruthlessly.

The sun has not caught me in bed in fifty years. - Thomas Jefferson

The world is in awe of these special people, so let's take a look at what pops them out of bed like a toaster strudel and what gets them up, sometimes before the alarm!

1. Appointment With Waking
   The harsh truth about the human body is that we're creatures of habit. In some ways this can be extremely inconvenient when trying to take on new things. However, if we allow ourselves to live within the rules of our body's natural cycle, which is a 24-hour circadian rhythm, we will be pleased with the body's functionality.
   
   This means that when you find a waking hour that will work best for you each day of the week, you should stick to it. This will allow your body to want to support you in your endeavor of waking up, and rise you out of bed feeling fresh as a daisy.
2. The King and The Pauper Way Of Eating
   The way our bodies function optimally is if we eat like a king in the morning and a pauper in the evening. This means that it's best to eat heavier, bigger portions in the morning because these meals will give us high energy throughout the day and then burn off.
   
   Eating like a pauper, meaning small light meals, in the evening allows us to go to sleep on an empty stomach. If your body is functioning normally, and you don't have stomach ulcers, going to sleep on a mostly empty stomach will allow you to sleep better. This nightly fast allows your body to take it's focus away from digestion and put it towards repair and rejuvenation of the body's cells.
3. Living With Purpose
   Young children will do anything to avoid going to sleep at night. These same children are also the ones that can't wait to get out of bed first thing in the world. The simple reason for this non-lazy behavior is that they don't want to miss a thing.
   
   As adults we may need more persuasion than 'not wanting to miss a thing'. This is why we take extra steps in creating fun, life changing goals, and scheduling specific ways of how we'll get a step closer to these goals during this coming day. What we all need is not necessary a cause we're willing to die for, but at least a cause we're willing to LIVE for.
4. Plan Your Day
   We can say we're going to live with purpose, but unless we plan, we can tell ourselves that we'll start living with purpose next week, or the week after that. Planning is one of the fundamental ways to maximize your mind to achieve your goals, and as such it plays a critical role in allowing us to have an awesome day, everyday. We need not do more than take 15 minutes the night before to succinctly organize the next days schedule.
   
   A schedule complete with waking time, most important things of the day, eating and recreational allowances. Having a tight schedule allows me to live out my day with definitive purpose, while getting more done, having more fun, and not wasting precious moments of my life.
   
   
   

   “Happy people plan actions, they don't plan results” - Dennis Wholey

5. The Water Hack
   A bit of water before bed and half a liter as soon as you get up. The water before bed will serve in the rejuvenation process we mentioned above. While you sleep all your cells will fill up with this fresh water and create an over all well being within your body.
   
   The water in the morning does two things. One is it provides your first dose of water to get your mind and body going. Another function, as told to me by my endocrinology teacher (a very qualified person to say this), is that a dose of water in the morning triggers a cascade of physiological functions that engages your digestive system and causes you to excrete feces. You'll feel nice and light first thing in the morning!
6. Work That Body
   In number 1 above I mentioned that our bodies adapt around a 24-hour circadian rhythm. This works for sleep, eating, exercise, and many other bodily functions. We're a pretty efficient physiological machine when you think about it. This is why getting a dose of exercise is optimal in the morning. It gets the blood flowing and stimulates you to function on a higher level.
   
   
   

   "Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness." - Edward Stanley

   Once you're used to this routine, your body will prepare by providing you with high energy before you start to work out. As you can see, if you wake up with this high energy, you're going to just pop out of bed.
7. Have 'Me' Time
   No morning is completely satisfying unless you've scheduled in some 'Me' time. Whether you enjoy meditating to clear you mind and give you laser sharp focus, or reading to gain some new knowledge about the world, make sure you schedule in this time.
   
   There may very a variety of things you enjoy doing, so this will be custom tailored to the individual. The point is that when you have something you REALLY enjoy doing right when you get up, you won't be able to wait until that alarm goes off till you jump out of bed and get to it!

See, that's all it takes! :)

Written by Alex Shalman

Time Management

How to Write a Great To-Do List (And Why You Need To)

Do you have so much to do that you just don’t know where to begin?

We all feel like that sometimes – maybe most of the time. When there’s a whole bunch of different commitments and responsibilities pressing on is, it’s easy to freeze up and do nothing at all.

That’s why you need a to-do list and more importantly perhaps, you have to execute on it. Listing things simply to clear your mind isn't good enough. It is however a start so let's begin there.


It helps you:

• Beat overwhelm – it’s easier to get a grip when you can see what you really need to do, in black and white
• Remember everything – you can get all those little things off your mind and onto paper, so that you don’t forget anything crucial
• Stay on track – so that you don’t end up wasting time doing the wrong things

Now, if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably had plenty of experience with to-do lists during your life. Maybe you’ve written out a list every January of things you really want to accomplish that year – only to find that you’ve accomplished precisely none of them by December. Or perhaps every Monday morning, you write a list for the week – only to find it falling apart by lunchtime.

So, here’s how to create a to-do list that will actually work for you.

1. Write Down Everything That’s On Your Mind
   You’ve probably got a whole bunch of stuff in your head right now: tasks to do, projects to complete, things you need to buy, phone calls to make, and so on.
   
   Grab a piece of paper or fire up an app, and write it all down. This might take 10-15 minutes and you may end up with a horribly long list. Don’t worry – we’re not going to tackle it all!
2. Find the Important Tasks
   Look through your list and highlight anything that’s important. That might be mission-critical tasks at work, promises that you’ve made at home, or anything that’s going to cause you a lot of inconvenience if it doesn’t get done (like paying your bills).
   
   It’s up to you to decide what counts as “important” – it’s not just about work tasks. If you’d really love to start a blog, take a pottery class or go skydiving, those can go on your important list too.
3. Find the Urgent Tasks
   Go through your list again, ideally with a different colored highlighter. This time, pick out anything that’s urgent. These might not be especially important tasks – but they need to be completed within the next few days.
   
   Urgent tasks might be taking back your library books, making a phone call, sending out an email, or similar. Again, it’s up to you to decide what counts as urgent – you might want to focus on tasks for the next day or for the next week.
4. Pick Two Important Tasks
   Now, look at your important tasks. Choose:
   
   • One small task to do today (like “finish that report and send it to the boss”)
   • One medium-sized task to do some time this week (like “write the first chapter of my novel”)
   Depending on your schedule and the size of the tasks, you might want to pick two or three tasks in each category. Make sure that you phrase your to-do list items as actual tasks. “Report” is not a task; “Write the conclusion to the report” is.
5. Add in Urgent Tasks
   Hopefully, you won’t have too many urgent tasks ... but even if you feel overwhelmed by them, it’s still a good idea to get your important tasks in place first. (That way, you avoid building up a backlog of tasks that keeps you chasing urgent things rather than important ones.)
   
   If you can, ditch any urgent-but-unimportant tasks, or get someone else to give you a hand to get through them.
   
   Again, make sure that you break the items down into specific actions (especially if you’re going to be delegating).
6. Make a To-Do List Every Morning
   Now that you’ve got a big list of tasks, it’s easy to look through each morning and decide what needs to be done. Every day, pick one – three important tasks, and make these a real priority. Jot down any urgent tasks too, so that you don’t forget them.
   
   Your to-do list is a powerful tool to help you avoid procrastination: if you have a clearly-defined list of tasks, it’s easy to work through them.

Written on 7/5/2011 by Ali Luke

Change Your Life With Books

Four Steps to Change Your Life – With Books

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them. - Mark Twain (attributed)

How many books are on your shelf collecting dust?

As a coach, educator and self professed life-long learner, I believe that books are one of the very best bargains around – with years of experience and best practice crammed into a $20 package.

However, that doesn’t mean you should read indiscriminately. A book may only cost you $20.00, but the cost of your time to read it may be significantly higher. If your time is worth $100+ dollars per hour, then reading a book must be worth thousands of dollars to make it worthwhile

Here are four suggestions to make the most of the current books on your bookshelf, and, the future books you plan to read:

1. Choose the Right Books
   By choosing books which are aligned with your professional and personal goals, you will be feeding your mind great thoughts that will fill you with the knowledge for greater achievement.
   
   “The only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little farther down our particular path than we have yet got ourselves.” - E.M. Forster
2. Underline or Highlight Key Points
   Look for points that hit the mark with your specific interest or needs. This lets you filter through the different messages so you can narrow your focus to ideas that will be useful to you.
   
   From Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel Pink, I took these key points:
   
   • Autonomy – having the ability to influence our world
   • Mastery – continuing to grow, evolve and learn
   • Purpose – the importance of meaningful work and contributing to our world
   Our work should fulfill those three areas. As a coach, I’m supporting people in their personal and professional journeys on the road to mastery. I work with people seeking meaning in their lives as parents and as business people. The three above points are highly relevant to what I do.
3. Put the Book Away – Then Review
   Once you’ve finished reading, put the book away for at least a week and then go back over the items which you’ve underlined and place an asterisk (*) or other symbol next to the top ideas for future follow up.
   
   Once a week has passed, review all the * items and then create a list of follow up actions you will take to execute on these ideas. There’s no point capturing these valuable ideas if you don’t have a follow up action plan. Capturing these valuable ideas without a follow up action plan is worthless.
   
   Good action items involve the development of a specific project, with an end goal in mind – for instance, “become healthier and fitter.”
   
   Your goal should:
   
   • Be specific (e.g. “lose weight”)
   • Be measurable (e.g. “lose 10 lbs”)
   • Have a time frame (e.g. “lose 10lbs by summer vacation”)
   Your action items should be clear tasks, like “remove all trans fats from home” or “buy fruit and veg every Saturday morning.”
4. Open Up Your Calendar
   Put these new, actionable items into your calendar. Make sure that you block out sufficient time to complete these priorities.
   
   It takes time to establish a new behavior: you need to engage with it consistently until you’ve created a habit. Remember that it’s better to do a few things well than to do many things badly: if you were digging oil wells, you’d want to have a few deep ones rather than lots of shallow ones.
   
   Look for actions which you can repeat on a daily or weekly basis. For daily actions, you might want to create an easy way to record your progress – e.g. by using a food log to monitor your portion sizes and your fruit and veg intake.

What books have made a big difference in your life? How did you act on the ideas provided by the author? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Written on 6/22/2011 by Barry Demp